Barker Mediation Services

We Can't Agree on Child Maintenance

Struggling to Agree on Financial Support for Your Children?

When parents separate, money can quickly become one of the most difficult things to talk about.

How much should each parent contribute? What should child maintenance cover? Who pays for school trips, uniforms, childcare, clubs or unexpected expenses?

You may want to provide for your children but have different understandings about what is fair or affordable.

Do conversations about child maintenance and payments keep ending in disagreements? Family mediation can give you a calmer, structured way to discuss the situation.

At Barker Mediation, our independent family mediators help separated parents communicate, understand each other’s concerns and explore practical arrangements for moving forward.

When Child Maintenance Becomes a Source of Conflict

Money can be an emotional subject after separation.

One parent may feel they are contributing more than they can realistically afford. The other may feel they are carrying most of the everyday costs of raising the children.

Sometimes the disagreement isn’t simply about a monthly payment.

You might be arguing about:

How much each parent should contribute
Regular child maintenance payments
Childcare costs
School uniforms, trips and activities
Clubs, hobbies and extracurricular activities
Travel costs between parents
Medical, dental or other additional expenses
How should unexpected costs be handled?
Changes in income or employment
Financial arrangements as your children’s needs change

Can Family Mediation Help With Child Maintenance?

Yes. Family mediation can provide a neutral environment in which you can discuss financial arrangements relating to your children.

A mediator does not take sides or decide what either parent should pay.

Instead, they help you have a structured conversation, identify the areas you disagree about and explore whether you can reach proposals that both of you consider workable.

This could include discussing regular maintenance as well as how you will manage additional costs that arise throughout the year.

Where appropriate, financial discussions can also form part of wider mediation about separation, parenting or child arrangements.

"Every Conversation About Money Turns Into an Argument"

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

Disagreements about child maintenance are not always just about money.

They can become connected to other frustrations following separation, including how much time the children spend with each parent, different household incomes, new partners, communication difficulties or feelings about what happened during the relationship.

That can make it increasingly difficult to find a solution between you.

Mediation creates a structured environment where both parents can explain their concerns.

The aim isn’t to decide who has been right or wrong.

It’s to help you look at what needs to happen next.

What Can We Discuss in Mediation?

Every family’s circumstances are different.

Your mediation sessions can focus on the issues that are actually causing difficulty for your family.

Regular Child Maintenance

Discuss each parent’s financial contribution to the everyday costs of raising your children.

Additional Children’s Expenses

What happens when something falls outside the usual monthly costs?

You could discuss how expenses such as school trips, uniforms, childcare, hobbies or other agreed costs will be handled.

Changes in Circumstances

Income and family circumstances can change.

A parent may lose their job, change working hours, become self-employed or experience another significant financial change.

Mediation can provide a place to discuss how changing circumstances affect existing arrangements.

Wider Parenting Arrangements

Sometimes child maintenance cannot easily be separated from other parenting issues.

You may also need to discuss where the children live, time with each parent, holidays, travel arrangements or communication.

Mediation allows related issues to be discussed together where appropriate.

Communication Going Forward

Children’s financial needs change as they grow.

Establishing a better way to discuss future expenses can be as important as resolving today’s disagreement.

How Does Child Maintenance Mediation Work?

1. Start With a MIAM

The process will usually begin with a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM).

This is a private meeting with a mediator where you can explain your circumstances, discuss the issues you are facing and learn more about how mediation works.

The mediator will also consider whether mediation is appropriate for your situation.

2. The Other Parent Can Be Invited

If mediation is suitable, the mediator can contact the other parent and invite them to take part in the process.

Mediation is voluntary. A mediator cannot force either person to participate or agree to a proposal.

3. Identify What Needs to Be Resolved

Your mediator helps establish the issues that need to be discussed.

For example, you might agree about most parenting arrangements but be unable to resolve how particular children’s expenses should be shared.

4. Explore Possible Arrangements

The mediator facilitates the conversation and helps you explore possible ways forward.

They remain independent and impartial throughout the process.

5. Record the Outcome

If you reach proposals, the mediator can prepare appropriate mediation documentation to record the outcome of your discussions.

Your mediator can explain the status of any document produced and when you may wish to obtain independent legal advice.

What If We Already Have a Child Maintenance Arrangement?

You can still consider mediation if an existing arrangement is causing problems or your circumstances have changed.

For example:

“The current amount no longer works.”

A change in income, employment or your children’s needs may mean you want to revisit your arrangements.

“We agree on the monthly payment but argue about everything else.”

Mediation can help you discuss additional expenses and how to handle them.

“We can’t communicate without arguing.”

The mediator manages the discussion so each person can speak and respond in a structured environment.

“We’ve agreed before, but things have changed.”

Family arrangements rarely stay the same. Mediation can help parents revisit previous proposals when circumstances change.

What If the Other Parent Refuses to Discuss Child Maintenance?

You cannot force another person to reach an agreement through mediation.

However, you can still contact Barker Mediation and arrange your own MIAM.

During your MIAM, you can explain what is happening, learn more about mediation, and find out whether it may be suitable and what your possible next steps are.

If mediation isn’t appropriate or the other person chooses not to participate, your mediator can explain the mediation process and relevant next steps.

Child Maintenance and the Child Maintenance Service

Family mediation and the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) are different.

The Child Maintenance Service is a government service that can calculate and, where applicable, manage child maintenance payments.

Family mediation gives parents a neutral environment to discuss arrangements themselves and can also cover wider issues that a maintenance calculation alone may not address.

Depending on your circumstances, you may use the government’s Child

Maintenance Calculator or obtain independent legal advice alongside mediation.

Why Choose Barker Mediation?

When discussions about children and money become difficult, having an independent person facilitate the conversation can make a significant difference.

At Barker Mediation, we provide:

Independent & Impartial Mediation

We don’t take sides or decide who is right.

Experienced Family Mediators

Our mediators help families work through difficult conversations around separation, children and finances.

A Structured Process

Instead of repeating the same arguments, mediation gives your discussions a clear purpose and structure.

Child-Focused Discussions

The financial arrangements you make ultimately support your children’s everyday lives and needs.

Online Mediation Available

Mediation can be arranged remotely where appropriate, making sessions easier to attend around work, childcare and other commitments.

Clear Pricing

We’ll explain the costs involved before you proceed so you can make an informed decision.

Frequently Asked Questions About Child Maintenance Mediation

Can a mediator decide how much child maintenance I should pay?

No. A family mediator is independent and impartial and does not impose a figure or make a decision for you.

Mediation provides a structured environment in which parents can discuss their circumstances and explore possible arrangements.

Can we discuss expenses other than monthly child maintenance?

Yes. Depending on your circumstances, mediation can include discussions about additional children’s expenses such as childcare, school-related costs, activities, travel and other agreed financial responsibilities.

Can mediation deal with child arrangements and maintenance at the same time?

Potentially, yes.

Families often have several interconnected issues following separation. Mediation can include discussions about children, communication and financial arrangements where appropriate.

What happens if our incomes are very different?

You can explain your individual circumstances during mediation. The mediator helps both of you identify the issues to discuss and explore possible ways forward, but they will not decide what either person should pay.

What if our financial circumstances change later?

Arrangements sometimes need to be revisited as children grow or parents’ circumstances change.

You can return to mediation to discuss new issues or changes where mediation remains appropriate.

Is an agreement reached in mediation legally binding?

Mediation itself does not automatically make proposals legally binding.

Your mediator can explain the documentation available following mediation, and you may choose to obtain independent legal advice about formalising particular arrangements.

What if I need an official child maintenance calculation?

The government’s Child Maintenance Service provides information and services relating to statutory child maintenance calculations.

A mediator can help you discuss broader arrangements, but does not replace the Child Maintenance Service or independent legal advice.

Do I have to attend mediation with my ex-partner?

Mediation is voluntary, and suitability is considered individually.

Your first MIAM is normally held privately. The mediator will explain how further mediation could take place if appropriate.

Is mediation suitable if there has been domestic abuse?

Mediation is not appropriate in every case.

Consider safety, domestic abuse, safeguarding concerns, and significant power imbalances as part of the initial assessment. Your mediator will discuss your circumstances privately and consider whether mediation is suitable.

How much does Barker Mediation cost?

Barker Mediation offers transparent pricing for MIAMs and mediation sessions.

Please see our current Prices page or speak to the Barker Mediation team for the latest fees and to discuss whether you may be eligible for financial assistance such as Legal Aid.

Stop Having the Same Argument About Child Maintenance

You both want your children to have what they need.

The difficult part is agreeing on how to share responsibility.

If conversations about child maintenance, children’s expenses or other financial arrangements keep ending in disagreement, mediation could provide a more constructive way to talk.

You don’t need answers before you contact us.

Start by telling us what’s happening.